The blame game is one of the ways we inadvertently enter into a powerless position. We use the blame game to avoid feeling the conflict of pain, guilt or shame. If I can’t handle my emotions and I don’t want to change or look inside to see how I could be the cause of my own pain and suffering, I will blame others and transfer the conflict I feel inside to them. Then, because I have shifted the blame and the conflict is not my fault, I don’t have to feel guilty or change my actions.
There is an instant feeling of satisfaction when we make ourselves right by transferring our emotions to others. Many people would rather blame others so they can be right about their misery, than look at their choices and make the changes necessary to be happy.
I once knew a person entangled in the blame game. He would say, “You think I’m a monster.” Now, I really never thought any such thing, but because they were living in a world of secrets and lies, and felt guilty. Unfortunately the way they coped with guilt was with blame and anger. They didn’t want to change their behavior, even though the choices they were making created a tremendous amount of internal angst and suffering. It was easier for them to blame others for how he was feeling about himself, than to go inside and do the real work.
It can be very uncomfortable to look at the choices we make that create our pain and suffering. It is easier to hold onto unrealistic expectations and transfer our shortcomings on to others by blaming them for the way we feel.
The biggest problem with this type of behavior is anytime I blame you for my troubles I lose the power to manage control or change my situation. It is not my fault therefore there is nothing I can do.
Do you notice areas in your life where you avoid taking ownership for your actions by blaming others?